10 Revelations from Colton Underwood's Netflix Series, 'Coming Out Colton' : 'I Want to Stop Lying'

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Coming Out Colton

Jim Wright

Underwood has been dating political strategistJordan C. Brownsince the summer.

02of 111. When He ‘Knew’ He Was GayCourtesy of NetflixFormer Bachelor Colton Underwood said that he’s “always known he was different,” telling both his mother and father while coming out that he knew he was gay since he was 6 or 7 years old, according to his new Netflix documentary,Coming Out Colton.

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1. When He ‘Knew’ He Was Gay

Courtesy of Netflix

Former Bachelor Colton Underwood said that he’s “always known he was different,” telling both his mother and father while coming out that he knew he was gay since he was 6 or 7 years old, according to his new Netflix documentary,Coming Out Colton.

03of 112. ‘I Had No Business Being the Bachelor’Eric McCandless/ABCColton admitted to Onyeka Ehie, who competed on his season, that he “wouldn’t be out” if it weren’t forThe Bachelor.“I guess in reality, I had no business being the Bachelor,” he shared. “I just mentally was not in a good place. I remember saying, ‘Thank you, God for making me the Bachelor. You’re gonna answer my prayer and make me straight. This is my chance to find a wife, and now I have nowhere to run.’ So I have to get engaged so I can get married and once I get married, I’m gonna have kids, and then it’s gonna make me straighter.““Which, in looking back,” he added, “is super silly.” Underwood continued, “I wouldn’t want that now, but that was sort of like my process with it. It was like this house of cards that I built and when it crashed it crashed hard, and that was me. I just got to a really, really, bad place.”

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2. ‘I Had No Business Being the Bachelor’

Eric McCandless/ABC

Colton admitted to Onyeka Ehie, who competed on his season, that he “wouldn’t be out” if it weren’t forThe Bachelor.

“I guess in reality, I had no business being the Bachelor,” he shared. “I just mentally was not in a good place. I remember saying, ‘Thank you, God for making me the Bachelor. You’re gonna answer my prayer and make me straight. This is my chance to find a wife, and now I have nowhere to run.’ So I have to get engaged so I can get married and once I get married, I’m gonna have kids, and then it’s gonna make me straighter.”

“Which, in looking back,” he added, “is super silly.” Underwood continued, “I wouldn’t want that now, but that was sort of like my process with it. It was like this house of cards that I built and when it crashed it crashed hard, and that was me. I just got to a really, really, bad place.”

04of 113. He Wore Sweatpants for His Fantasy Date with Tayshia AdamsTayshia Adams and Colton Underwood on season 23 ofThe Bachelorette.Josh Vertucci via GettyWith his virginity being a hot-button topic for his season ofThe Bachelor, Underwood felt a lot of pressure to have sex during the Fantasy Suite dates.Underwood explained that he only did one Fantasy Suite stay (with contestant Tayshia Adams), saying that, while the cameras showed their relationship blossoming, he “didn’t want to go into the Fantasy Suite” because he “didn’t want to put Tayshia through that.” He added, “I knew I was attracted to men, but I felt like, ‘If I lose my virginity in the Fantasy Suite, is it going to please me enough to keep me wanting to be straight?’ “He said that he spent the night with Adams in the Fantasy Suite wearing sweatpants and a sweatshirt, even though the room was hot. He added that Adams was “so respectful and so nice and nurturing.”

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3. He Wore Sweatpants for His Fantasy Date with Tayshia Adams

Tayshia Adams and Colton Underwood on season 23 ofThe Bachelorette.Josh Vertucci via Getty

With his virginity being a hot-button topic for his season ofThe Bachelor, Underwood felt a lot of pressure to have sex during the Fantasy Suite dates.

Underwood explained that he only did one Fantasy Suite stay (with contestant Tayshia Adams), saying that, while the cameras showed their relationship blossoming, he “didn’t want to go into the Fantasy Suite” because he “didn’t want to put Tayshia through that.” He added, “I knew I was attracted to men, but I felt like, ‘If I lose my virginity in the Fantasy Suite, is it going to please me enough to keep me wanting to be straight?’ "

He said that he spent the night with Adams in the Fantasy Suite wearing sweatpants and a sweatshirt, even though the room was hot. He added that Adams was “so respectful and so nice and nurturing.”

05of 114. Choosing Cassie RandolphCassie Randolph, Colton Underwood.Amy Sussman/E! Entertainment/NBCU Photo Bank; JC Olivera/WireImageUnderwood, who ultimately gave Cassie Randolph his final rose, said he “didn’t want to be gay” and believed it would just take the right woman to change him — and thatRandolph would be the one to do it.He said that as a result,after the two broke up in May 2020, he “started to spiral.” He said that he was trying to “do anything and everything he could to protect his secret.”

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4. Choosing Cassie Randolph

Cassie Randolph, Colton Underwood.Amy Sussman/E! Entertainment/NBCU Photo Bank; JC Olivera/WireImage

Underwood, who ultimately gave Cassie Randolph his final rose, said he “didn’t want to be gay” and believed it would just take the right woman to change him — and thatRandolph would be the one to do it.

He said that as a result,after the two broke up in May 2020, he “started to spiral.” He said that he was trying to “do anything and everything he could to protect his secret.”

06of 115. About That Restraining Order His Ex FiledColton Underwood.JC Olivera/WireImageUnderwood said that when Randolphfiled a restraining order against him— in which she claimed that Underwood placed a tracker in her car, was showing up to her apartment and her parents’ home unannounced and sending alarming texts — he felt like things immediately flipped.“It was when I knew something had to change,” Underwood explained inComing Out Colton. “I was so attached to a traditional life and my straight relationship that I knew she was my last straight relationship and I didn’t want to let that go because I didn’t want to have to deal with this.”

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5. About That Restraining Order His Ex Filed

Colton Underwood.JC Olivera/WireImage

Underwood said that when Randolphfiled a restraining order against him— in which she claimed that Underwood placed a tracker in her car, was showing up to her apartment and her parents' home unannounced and sending alarming texts — he felt like things immediately flipped.

“It was when I knew something had to change,” Underwood explained inComing Out Colton. “I was so attached to a traditional life and my straight relationship that I knew she was my last straight relationship and I didn’t want to let that go because I didn’t want to have to deal with this.”

07of 116. His Suicide AttemptPaula Lobo/Getty ImagesUnderwood shared that, after his breakup with Randolph, he was in L.A. when he attempted suicide, telling a close friend onComing Out Coltonthat he “took a lot of Xanax not thinking [he] was going to wake up the next morning.” The low moment was a wakeup call for Underwood, who moved to Colorado shortly thereafter.Underwood later said that he was self-medicating and eventually “took too much, trying to kill [himself].” He said that his experience cemented his faith, which is why he struggled to understand why his pastor and friends believed his sexuality was a sin.

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6. His Suicide Attempt

Paula Lobo/Getty Images

Underwood shared that, after his breakup with Randolph, he was in L.A. when he attempted suicide, telling a close friend onComing Out Coltonthat he “took a lot of Xanax not thinking [he] was going to wake up the next morning.” The low moment was a wakeup call for Underwood, who moved to Colorado shortly thereafter.

Underwood later said that he was self-medicating and eventually “took too much, trying to kill [himself].” He said that his experience cemented his faith, which is why he struggled to understand why his pastor and friends believed his sexuality was a sin.

08of 117. Why He Came Out When He DidGabriel Olsen/FilmMagicUnderwood said that he knew people would think that he was coming out to “save [his] image” and that he was coming out to “bury the drama with Cassie.“However, he said he came out publicly because he was “ashamed and mortified of what got him to this position in the first place” and “knew he didn’t want to affect or harm anyone else” in his life.

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7. Why He Came Out When He Did

Gabriel Olsen/FilmMagic

Underwood said that he knew people would think that he was coming out to “save [his] image” and that he was coming out to “bury the drama with Cassie.”

However, he said he came out publicly because he was “ashamed and mortified of what got him to this position in the first place” and “knew he didn’t want to affect or harm anyone else” in his life.

09of 118. Wanting to Become a Father ‘Soon’Colton Underwood/ InstagramUnderwood shared that he wants to be a father “soon.“He said in episode 3 ofComing Out Coltonthat, though he would like to get married or have a partner, he would “think about doing it [himself] if [he] had to.”

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8. Wanting to Become a Father ‘Soon’

Colton Underwood/ Instagram

Underwood shared that he wants to be a father “soon.”

He said in episode 3 ofComing Out Coltonthat, though he would like to get married or have a partner, he would “think about doing it [himself] if [he] had to.”

10of 119. Almost Being Outed in High SchoolGetty ImagesDuring a visit to his high school in Washington, Illinois, Underwood recounted breaking up with his girlfriend after she “put her hands down his pants” while they were sleeping over at a friend’s house after a party.“I broke up with her the next day,” he shared with his friend Kassidy. “It just felt so wrong. Not wrong, in the sense of, like, morally. It just felt wrong in the fact that, like, that wasn’t who I was meant to be.“Underwood said that following the incident, his classmates began circulating rumors that he was gay — and that was the first time that he was almost outed, a moment he said led to him seeking control of his life.

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9. Almost Being Outed in High School

Getty Images

During a visit to his high school in Washington, Illinois, Underwood recounted breaking up with his girlfriend after she “put her hands down his pants” while they were sleeping over at a friend’s house after a party.

“I broke up with her the next day,” he shared with his friend Kassidy. “It just felt so wrong. Not wrong, in the sense of, like, morally. It just felt wrong in the fact that, like, that wasn’t who I was meant to be.”

Underwood said that following the incident, his classmates began circulating rumors that he was gay — and that was the first time that he was almost outed, a moment he said led to him seeking control of his life.

11of 1110. Why Football Kept Him ClosetedGetty ImagesHis time playing football pushed him “further into the closet.” He explained that “locker room talk” was one of the reasons he never felt comfortable accepting himself in high school, when he heard coaches and teammates use offensive language to describe gay men.Underwood mentioned Michael Sam — thefirst openly gay player to be drafted to the NFL in 2014, who retired in 2015 from the sport for mental health reasons — and said that Sam’s experience with being out in the NFL left him afraid of meeting the same fate.

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10. Why Football Kept Him Closeted

His time playing football pushed him “further into the closet.” He explained that “locker room talk” was one of the reasons he never felt comfortable accepting himself in high school, when he heard coaches and teammates use offensive language to describe gay men.

Underwood mentioned Michael Sam — thefirst openly gay player to be drafted to the NFL in 2014, who retired in 2015 from the sport for mental health reasons — and said that Sam’s experience with being out in the NFL left him afraid of meeting the same fate.

source: people.com